Welcome!

"There is most certainly a conspiracy afoot to hide the whole truth from potential new mothers. Were it not for this organized campaign, our species would run the very serious risk of losing all evolutionary viability. The Le Leche League may or may not be involved." -Government’s Investigative Committee on Parenting

#1. I LOVE MY BABY.

#2. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?

Sweet, nourishing miiiilk. Give it me now.

2015 UPDATE 

• After being a single mom for four years, Nathaniel now has a stepdad!
• Those four years were rough, but I found out I could handle it which was awesome.
• These years also were a long saga of emotional difficulties for Nathaniel and after many therapy sessions, teacher meetings, psychologists, etc etc we ended up with "the good new and the bad."  Good: His I.Q. got him a Mensa membership at age 8.  Bad: ADHD and ODD.  Okay, I'll retract the word "bad" and say "challenging."
• I didn't write in here for a long time because, after a divorce, you worry what can be taken out of context and used against you...and my humor leans to the self-effacing.  Judge: you say here in your blog "I'm a totally screwed up mom.  What did you mean by that?"  Me: I was joking?  Sort of? 

[Click here for Blog Mission Statement]

[Click here for Blog Disclaimers]

Skyrim

This is how we spend our snow days....

Fireman Nathaniel

Just another day of saving lives and being a hero....

CRISIS MANAGEMENT: Tub Drain

Our tub has had no cover on the drain for a few years. To unclog it one we had had to break out the old one and my x-husband tried two different new ones that didn't fit. The project died there and went no further. I got a cheap little cover at walmart, caulked it in, and just replaced it periodically. It was not a good system, although it was better than nothing.

This was one of the first home repair challenges I took on once finding myself single. I started by examining the drains my husband had purchased (he'd never returned them so they were still around - yes, that's me being bitter). I fiddled with the one that looked like the best candidate and eventually tried to install it. It seemed to fit the threads of the tub, but soon grew too hard to turn further. So I created this handy tool out of some pliers and a wrench in order to apply more leverage....


After great effort the truth became clear. The shaft was too long. It simply couldn't be screwed in any further. Next step was visiting our wonderful local plumbing supply store. I walked in with the original one that we'd broken out and one that almost worked, while towing my then three year old along with me. As I tried to look through the shelves for the right thing, Nathaniel was making a ruckus trying to run around and look at all the neat stuff in the store while I struggled to curb him in and still get done what I needed. After some time of this, the owners peeked down the aisle at us and I was grateful to see not looks of total irritation on their faces but broad smiles. The woman walked up to me and instantly started trying to help me quickly find the right part.

Once we realized they didn't have it, she turned my old broken drain cover over to the man there and with a little tinkering he actually fixed it so that it could be used again! My total cost was under $3.00!! Finally having a real drain in the tub again was one of the most sublime feelings, made only more so because of the personal feeling of satisfaction at having accomplished it.

I think that the moral here is first to just TRY and to be patient and persistent about your task. Secondly, do not be afraid to admit that you need help at the store. Oh, and if you find yourself in this position, take the parts you're working on WITH YOU!

Independence Day!

Interesting lesson learned today. It's fourth of July and I really didn't feel like going anywhere this year, but felt too guilty about depriving my child of a potential "experience" to give in to my laziness. I know Nathaniel doesn't like loud noises, but I tried to reassure him when he said he didn't want to go to the fireworks display. I felt certain he'd love it once he was out there. From my superior adult vantage I thought I knew better than he did what he'd like. And then, too, there was such a feeling of relief at the thought of being able to legitimately stay home for the evening, it made me even more determined that we should go.

Anyone could guess where this is going. The thirty minutes we were out there he never took his hands off his ears as people set off their own little sparklers and bottle rockets across the field. Even when he was happy and playing with one of his friends for a brief time, the hands did not come down. Finally, he begged me to go back to the car where he insisted on staying with all the doors and windows closed. I sat in there with him as he colored in the back seat and suddenly he said to me, "Why are we not at home? I told you I didn't want to go to see fireworks."

He DID tell me, more than once. I underestimated his ability to "fully understand" the situation and vetoed him. But, he does know what he likes and what he doesn't and I'll save us both a lot of grief if I listen to him rather than trying to manipulate his childhood experience with an eye on maximizing future nostalgic moments!

At this point now.

Last May 2nd marked one year since my husband moved out. A month after the divorce was signed by the judge in March, he was all ready remarried and his new wife several months pregnant, and I will only spend one half of my child's Christmas's with him. All of that alone is enough to make my head spin, let alone the changes, learning experiences and emotions I've encountered each day of this last year. Which brings me to my point: what this blog feels like to me now.

It began, and remains, a place to chuckle and wonder over the challenges of being a new parent. Now, though, it is also a venue to explore and report on the ups and down of being a single mom. Surprisingly, there are a lot of ups. First and foremost, I had no idea how much I was capable of until I was thrown into this "pack leader" position. I'd been single before and had my own bills to pay, etc, but I'd not had a child depending on me, and a 100 year old house. and a mortgage, and no time. Ha, this is starting to sound like the down part! But it's not. It's hard to explain it without wanting to lean on cliche. I liken it sort of to having an awesome and expensive tool in your toolbox but never using it so you never even know if it works or if it was worth all that money. I feel like I've been taken out of the toolbox and put to use for the first time. A year ago, I didn't even realize that I was still in my original packaging, never yet unwrapped.

As much as I originally meant this blog as a way to update all my friends and family, I also imagined that perhaps, occasionally, some random new parent might happen to stumble upon it and that they might feel a comradarie in knowing that there are other moms and dads out there who are willing to admit they don't really know what they're doing! Now, I want to add in my mind that random single mom wandering across the page. I want to reassure her and tell her "take heart because you WILL kick ass."

I bring it on myself, I know.

So, last night I could not get him to stay in bed. I tried sitting in a chair in the room doing the trick of picking him up and putting him back into bed each time he got up, while also trying to resist getting into conversation with him or giving him any kind of "rewarding" attention. He twisted and sobbed on the bed, telling me he was scared and needed me in the bed with him.

I pondered over this today, wondering if my own weakness of wanting him to sleep with me was directly leading to this fear and inability to sleep alone. And perhaps so! But then tonight, out of the blue, he decides he wants to sleep downstairs all by himself as long as I leave a light on and turn on some music for him. He came up here once to ask me to sleep with him downstairs and when I said no, he went on back by himself.

Maybe he just couldn't bare to leave the room that held his new Lego Indiana Jones PS2 game. Buying that today was my brilliant inspiration on the way home from the dentist with a prescription for penicillin and lortab...I had a feeling I wasn't going to want to do much this evening! My plan worked purrrfectly and it's a two player game so I was able to lay on the couch and play with him, which is fun for both of us.