Talking with someone the other day, I happened to mention that my baby was so yummy I could just gobble him right up. I mean, really! He is positively scrumptious. Yum yum yum!
“Ewwww,” grimaced my friend. “That’s disgusting! You’re talking about eating your baby.”
Turning to an acquaintance standing nearby I begged for assistance. “Come on, you know what I mean, don’t you? Tell him. It’s perfectly normal to talk about your baby being delicious enough to eat.”
The innocent bystander stroked his long beard and considered. “Well,” he said seriously, “it’s actually just an abbreviated metaphor. I mean, what you’re really saying is that your baby is as wonderful as a bowl of ice cream and, as such, you could eat him.”
“Yes!” I cheered. “That’s it. An abbreviated metaphor. Well put!”
“But,” he added then, “it is most certainly the vestige of some kind of ancestral cannibalism.”
I have walked to the edge of the abyss and looked into the face of the dingo and the dingo was I.
“Ewwww,” grimaced my friend. “That’s disgusting! You’re talking about eating your baby.”
Turning to an acquaintance standing nearby I begged for assistance. “Come on, you know what I mean, don’t you? Tell him. It’s perfectly normal to talk about your baby being delicious enough to eat.”
The innocent bystander stroked his long beard and considered. “Well,” he said seriously, “it’s actually just an abbreviated metaphor. I mean, what you’re really saying is that your baby is as wonderful as a bowl of ice cream and, as such, you could eat him.”
“Yes!” I cheered. “That’s it. An abbreviated metaphor. Well put!”
“But,” he added then, “it is most certainly the vestige of some kind of ancestral cannibalism.”
I have walked to the edge of the abyss and looked into the face of the dingo and the dingo was I.
4 comments:
Glad you are back writing again... I missed you and your witty tales... please keep them coming.
glad you are writing again
I did notice that you referenced bearded men a lot.
Bearded guy in the park, (not me)
Bearded guy in library, (not me)
and motorcycles, (not mine)
good friend, (not me)
So, what's up with that? I thought I was going to help you get over your writer's block. You couldn't think of any humorous anecdotes involving this bearded motorcyle riding guitar playing Beatles fan?
Hmmm.... I thought the bearded man WAS Don Matt. Now I'm really curious.
As for the 'eating your child up' reference, I, as a mother, know what you mean. Your child is a symbol of all that is good, sweet, and innocent in this world and by gobbling them up, you are ingesting all that is good and sweet and innocent, thus making you good, sweet and innocent. You, in turn, exude said attributes to everyone you interact with. They pick up on those attributes and, in turn, pass them on to their friends. It's a Pay it Forward kind of thing. Babies are cool like that!
I once had an old lady look at my daughter's pudgy little thighs (at around 6 months old) and say, "Mmmm, look at those chubby legs, I could just take a bite!" So I smiled politely and nodded. Then she said, "No, really. I haven't eaten lunch yet and I'm very hungry."
In conclusion: 1) No, you are not the dingo. 2) Yes, it is perfectly normal for parents to feel like they could gobble their own children up. 3) No, it is not OK for perfect strangers to act like they would actually take a bite out of your child. That is very weird.
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