I hadn't planned on taking Nathaniel to any fireworks display tonight. I didn't think he'd notice or care, or even know what a firework was. Halfway through Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, a friend called to encourage me to go out to see the fireworks. I asked Nathaniel if he wanted to and was surprised how eagerly he said yes and then how he went on to warn me that they would be loud and scary. Where does he learn this stuff?
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It was fun and I'm so glad we went. I've never really struck out on my own to do things like that...too shy, too self conscious. How will I know where to park when I get there? What should my posture look like when I'm standing around? What if people look at me? While Lexapro helps with much of this, there are still times when I am reluctant to try something new and that's where Nathaniel comes in.
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It was such a cool feeling just the simple act of pulling my car out at the end of the night, joining lines of other cars driving over the grass field down to the highway and then a long, long line of us heading back to town. It felt "grown up," while at the same time feeling nostalgic...a hundred half remembered nights driving home in the back seat from some event, windows open, summer.
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All these small rites of passage from child to adult that I'm only now beginning at 42. What an odd and interesting experience.
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