To the AFA

Dear American Family Association, et al:

Please stop wasting your resources boycotting Harry Potter. This suggestion is meant only as a helpful and practical suggestion from a real life mother.

You see, I am not really afraid that my son will grow up and decide to run away to Hogwart's to learn how to be a wizard. What I'm worried about is that my child might come to think that it's funny and appropriate to burp and break wind while eating out at a public dining establishment.

Please start boycotting movies that include characters burping or breaking wind in the guise of humor. That is more likely to negatively impact my child than Hogwart's.

If you really care about family values, then you must agree that manners and politeness are paramount. Do not allow these pornographies of personal functions to continue uncensored. Anything less from you is interpreted by me as complete hypocrisy.