Birthday Yoda

When Nathaniel turned 4 in March I gave him a Yoda for his Birthday. The Jedi Master is enjoying total Rock Star status. I've all ready been forbidden to speak in any way disrespectfully to the Yoda. For example, last night I had the audacity to say "Yoda, could you please move over so that I can get into bed too?" Apparently, I was pretty much completely out of line.

A video of their first meeting can be found below....

The Dog Whisperer

Recently, I immersed myself in Season Two of the Dog Whisperer on DVD. It was another recommendation from my Pediatrician, who suggested that Cesar Millan's insights into dog behavior could often be carried over to raising your child. It did not take me many episodes to become a devoted fan of Millan. First and foremost is his manner. Rather than try to describe it, I direct the reader to this link where Malcom Gladwell does a far better job than I ever could. I'll just say that Cesar Millan projects something that is so engaging and reassuring that it is impossible not to be as charmed by him as the chaotic canines he encounters seem to be.

Pondering his lessons over the holidays, I came to one main revelation about my own life: I need to become my family's pack leader. Millan suggests that the behavior of your pack is the best reflection of your own stability. If you are out of balance, so too will be your pack and they will express it any number of neurotic and/or aggressive ways. Leeloo, the actual canine member of my pack, has long been a difficult dog and in recent years I've come to just let her do her own thing and lead a life separate from ours in a lot of ways. And then there is Nathaniel, who acts out in various ways as we recreate our lives since his father's departure. Suddenly, the connection between dog and child seem so obvious. So long as I'm out of balance, Nathaniel (my "pack") is going to reflect it. How Nathaniel deals with these changes we're going through is invariably linked to how I am responding to these changes.

It has become so clear to me how fully I must embrace the role of Pack Leader, from how I relate to my dog and and to my child, to being the one to see that the plumbing is working and there's food in the house. My first step on this path has been trying to redefine my relationship with Leeloo during this past week. Establishing myself in the alpha position above her has become symbolic to me of the entire process. If I can't succeed there, how can I succeed overall?

The whole task looming before me could be intimidating, but there is something comforting in understanding just how much is required of you, even if it's a lot. And even as I type this, Leeloo has come over to my chair and laid herself at my feet, a Jack London picture of loyalty. Pack Leader. I can do this.

Polar Express

Another good piece of advice from Doctor Youngblood was a warning about trying to avoid living "parallel" lives with Nathaniel. He pointed out how under even normal circumstances that happens so easily....you're doing your thing while he's off playing with his cars or watching a show....but add to that suddenly becoming a single mom and you really have to start watching it.

There's so much to do. How can I do it all and still be spending time enough truly WITH my child?

One suggestion Youngblood had was to incorporate Nathaniel into what it is I am doing. Let him help make dinner, set the table, etc. This also ties into his advice to get Nathaniel to bed a normal hour because that way some of these things I feel I need to get done I can do after he's down for the night.

I still catch myself all the time falling into that parallel existence, but more and more I try to be conscious of it enough to bring our paths back together. Tonight was an example. I put on Polar Express for him to watch. Having seen it already myself, I had planned to stick a Romantic Comedy into my laptop, put on some headphones, and sit with him on the couch while he watched his movie and me mine. Well, it didn't take five minutes for me to realize I couldn't do that. He was so taken with that movie, he talked and made observations about it all the way through. So I quickly set my headphones aside, relaxed, and turned myself over to the Polar Express. And, as it turned out, it was well worth a second viewing, particularly when shared with someone seeing it for the first time. Then it's magic.

Nighty night

Update on the bedtime rituals since seeing Dr. Youngblood. Tonight, we started reading an hour earlier than usual. Thankfully it gets dark earlier because you can't put anything over on that kid. If he looks out the window and see it's not "nighttime," he's not buying into your game. This night was rougher as he threw a very long fit and would not stay in bed. I tried a little of that technique of just kindly but silently returning them to bed over and over and over......Then I switched to something Dr. Youngblood told me about "lending them your calmness." I sat in bed with him and held him very tightly, "constraining" him really, as I tried to help him just get past his hysterics and pull himself together...AND stay in bed. It was not an easy battle. But, I DID get downstairs by 8:45 PM and was able to tidy my kitchen and then even spend a little quality time with my dog. Slowly, I'm learning to get some of my own life back and at the same time working to be completely present when he and I ARE together.

Maybe next year...

I failed with my gardening plans this year. I was going to experiment with "rock mulching" gardening and try to grow just spinach and scallions....two good shade plants since I have plenty of that. However, events conspired against me (I can blame it on that although laziness might have been more at the root) and last week I tore down even the feeble remains of Matthew's hillbilly herb garden he'd begun before leaving. Leeloo had already taken the space and used it to store the numerous dirty diapers she steals from the pail when I'm not watching. She rolls around in the diapers in Matthew's neglected garden like a mobster moll rolling around on a bed covered in 100 dollar bills. Then she eats them.

Put that kid to bed!

I recently spoke with Nathaniel's original Pediatrician from the hospital about how things are going since our family split up. It was such a great conversation and full of so many things that I don't know where to begin. It may take several posts as I process the information and apply some of his suggestions and insights.

I think to start with I'll explain how it is that I have this quiet moment to actually sit down and blog.

The Doctor wanted to know if Nathaniel slept well through the night . I assured him we didn't have any problems on that front, but then I happened to just jokingly add that things have really changed from the old days when Nathaniel would always get up WAY earlier than I wanted to and make me wake me up. Now, I'm the first one up and I have to harass him into getting out of bed. Dr. Youngblood nailed me on that immediately. "He's going to bed too late!"

He reminded me that kids need a lot of sleep and that I too would benefit by having that time alone in the evening after he goes to bed to do some things for myself.

And so here I am enjoying the multi-tasking thrill of simultaneously facebooking, gmailing, blogging and skyping :)

Pediculus humanus capitis

There is such a stigma attached to this affliction, but you find you have to quickly get over it once your three year old starts spending more time out in the world. The temptation to point a finger elsewhere is also very strong. Ohhhh, yes, he must have got it from that neighbor kid…
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And, of course, if Nathaniel has passed it on to anyone else, then he, too, is now "that neighbor kid."
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So, logically, you have to just let that kind of thinking go, buck up, and try not to take it personally when your kid is infested with lice. Getting it under control has been difficult this week in part, I think, because he now lives in two households and until we all got on the same page and coordinated our efforts, we might as well have been inviting the lice in for tea and crumpets. Actually, I'm not even 95% sure we're through this yet so knock on wood.
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On the bright side, our current ordeal inspired me to finally purchase electric hair clippers which will save money on future haircuts. The second day he was sent home for having lice, I cut it down to 3/8 inch. The THIRD day, it went down to 1/8. It's pretty challenging to cut hair that short and get it even. It's getting cold, though. I can slap a hat on his head.

Personal Landscaping

I heard on Cosmo Radio that it was important to men that a woman be "well groomed"....like as in, well, you know....a little "landscaping," so to speak. My interest piqued, I applied more effort to these ends and it did, indeed, elicit a definite interest from my husband. Okay, maybe not enough, since he moved out of the house within the month, but hey....

Now I'm a single mom.

Now I find myself left with the questionable experience of being a girly girl, pampering myself, soaking in a bath, thoroughly grooming myself, not for a man, but because I have a gynecological appointment in the morning!! Is that sad or funny? I am not sure. Think I'll go with funny....