Where's Baby?

Somewhere in this photo is a baby! Can you find him?

Britney Litany

Britney Spears driving with her baby in her lap - that's bad.

Britney driving with her car seat facing the wrong way - bad, but please remember that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates that up to 82% of car seats are incorrectly installed, so she's hardly alone on that one, unfortunately.

Britney's nanny dropping her baby on it's head - okay, that sounds potentially a little weird, but I wasn't there...

But Britney Spears almost dropping her child because she caught the hem of her pants in her sandles? Oh, come on! Who could pick on her for that? I say: good save, Britney!

May's Bottle Bullets

I have developed the habit of biting my nails.



My baby looks unnervingly like Jabba the Hut when he tucks his chin and probes the air with his little, pointed tongue.


Unable to cope with life's new time constraints, I have cut off all of my hair. They know me on the streets now as "The Little Yeshiva Boy."


Hygiene problem of the month: trying to keep the milk out of the creases of his fat little neck.


Natty Grey passes his 2 month check up with flying colors - has doubled in weight and grown 4 inches. He's finally big enough to fit into "newborn" size!

Cradle crap persists...



Baby learns to smile.

Diaper Doubletake

I file this under the "how tired was I?" category.

One time, during the first month with the new baby, when I was getting dressed, I slipped on my undies and set off to get one of the small, absorbent pads that are necessary to wear for while after having a baby and which I kept in a cupboard in the bathroom.

NEXT THING I KNEW...

...I was standing in the bedroom next to the changing table with little memory of how I got there. I looked down and realized that I was in the process of attempting to fit a baby’s diaper into my underpants! The only thing that jarred me back into reality was my confusion over what to do with the adhesive tabs.

So, in short: I was so tired I tried to put on a diaper!!

Rub a Dub Doodie

Nathaniel’s cord took 3 weeks to fall off and so, by that time, I was really eager to give him his first full bath. However, in my delirious and sleep deprived state, I decided that there was no way I could learn how to use his new tub right then - I mean, How do you fill it? How do you empty it? These things seemed insurmountable to me and so I decided I would just put him in the tub with me while I took a bath.

"What’s the worse that could happen?" I asked my self. "He’ll pee on me? Big deal!"

What I failed to consider was the poop factor. Specifically, what exactly happens to loose poop when it comes in contact with warm water.

The first thing amiss that I noticed was a small, yellow speck floating by that I thought must be a fuzzy off of the yellow washcloth I was using. Within moments, however, the tub was filled with what looked like little crumbs of old, scrambled eggs. Nathaniel was pooping and it was quickly dissolving into the bath water. With rising horror, I looked down at him and imagined the scene that was undoubtedly taking place underwater as he continued to empty his bowels into my naked lap. Not wishing to embarrass the little guy, I very nonchalantly stood up from what had become, essentially, a giant toilet bowl and tossed the baby onto a towel I had waiting on the bathroom floor.

Urgently, I turned on the showerhead only to discover that there was no hot water left. I washed off as best I could in the cool water and then felt a sudden pang of guilt as I remembered the child I’d left lying on the floor wet and in the process of pooping.

I need not have worried.

Throwing open the shower curtain I discovered that the dog had come in and was busily taking care of cleaning the baby’s poopy butt for me.

Needless to say, I used the baby bathtub next time.