Come si, come sa

At one year’s old, Nathaniel broke himself of the bottle habit. Our only contribution to the process was our lazy inconsistency. Sometimes we’d wash a bottle for him, sometimes we’d give him a sippy cup. The same laissez faire attitude was attached to his pacifier, another habit he broke himself of. I suspect there is no “one right way” for all children, but this “come si, come sa” approach has seemed to work with him. Potty training is moving slowly forward using a similar method…great praise when he uses the potty, but no pressure and no big deal when he doesn’t. “Whatever!”

But, will this lazy parenting style work for eliminating bedtime resistance and “nocturnal visits”? I confess I am a-feared. Consistency is impossible because most nights I love falling asleep with him, or having him snuggle the night through with us. Of course, this leaves me out of luck those times that I need more elbow room or when I want him to go to sleep alone because I have things to do later in the evening.

Sometimes he sleeps all night in his own bed. Can I just wait him out until he “trains himself” to mostly stay in his own bed with just occasional visits to us? Or maybe we should just get a bigger bed…

Baby Christopher Walken

So Nathaniel woke up this morning and, completely out of nowhere, he was talking like Christopher Walken. He did it all day. This is what I was able to capture on video of it.

To the AFA

Dear American Family Association, et al:

Please stop wasting your resources boycotting Harry Potter. This suggestion is meant only as a helpful and practical suggestion from a real life mother.

You see, I am not really afraid that my son will grow up and decide to run away to Hogwart's to learn how to be a wizard. What I'm worried about is that my child might come to think that it's funny and appropriate to burp and break wind while eating out at a public dining establishment.

Please start boycotting movies that include characters burping or breaking wind in the guise of humor. That is more likely to negatively impact my child than Hogwart's.

If you really care about family values, then you must agree that manners and politeness are paramount. Do not allow these pornographies of personal functions to continue uncensored. Anything less from you is interpreted by me as complete hypocrisy.

Pineapple epiphany

I was surprised to discover the baby likes fresh pineapple. Although, it has to be said that this pineapple was exceptionally spectacular. It was the first produce I have ever purchased intentionally because "in season." It makes sense, of course, that a fruit would taste better in season and some say it's even better for you. My problem has always been that I have absolutely no idea what's in season when. Do most people just know this?

Well, I finally got smart and copied a list from the internet. As I prepared my shopping list for this week, I looked at the list and added pineapple. It was amazing how good it was and surely this ripe and juicy sweetness is what won the baby over. Had I tried to feed him pineapple in February, he would probably have attacked me with the pointy crown of the fruit. I am now a total seasonal convert.

Little Nathaniel's "little Nathaniel"

Standing there contemplating what to say in response to baby's question "Wha' dat?" as he pointed curiously at my uncovered bosom, I realized that I was at the beginning of a new and unpleasant stage in toddler development. On that day, I got out of it pretty easily by explaining that that was mommy's "chest." Generic, accurate, and completely unembarressing to say. But what about the harder things to come?

To me, "penis" and "vagina" sound like dirty words so count me out of the league of medically correct parents. I recently suggested the euphemism "thingie" to my husband, but he vetoed, suggesting the word carried with it some implication of shame. I agreed he had a point.

For the moment, I am at a complete loss and have the distinct feeling that I'm definitely running out of time.......

Buddhism for Babies?

Yeah, I know. I must be crazy. Teach a two year old to meditate? Where do I get these ideas? The problem is, I just know how! Needless to say, there's not a lot of info out there on Buddhist meditation for two-year-olds. Tonight was my first attempt, and here is how it went down.

Baby was whining because I wouldn't let him watch the "teetee" (ie television). So, I asked him if he wanted to meditate. He readily agreed, having no idea what I was talking about. He probably thought "meditate" was the name of a new Teletubbies episode. Next, I went on line to find a Buddhist chant. I don't think I can start him off with the subtle concept of simply sitting still quieting his mind. I'm thinking I should start him with a chant and let him learn how to be still and focus on that.

I'll cut to the chase...he did NOT sit still and get into chanting with me. Yet, the results were still kind of fun and interesting. I found an audio of the Buddhist chant Sabbe satte suhki huntu (may all living things have peace) and as it played he almost immediately stopped fussing. He started laughing and being playfully mischievous.

I sang the chant off and on for the next hour before bedtime and he quickly picked up the first word of it and sings it. So, I'm going to keep trying. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open!

Baby's first hang up

I believe we have officially given our child his first hang up. When wiping him off during diaper changes we often say "ewww." After a while, whenever his diaper was off, he started gesturing towards his penis and sayaing "ewwww, ewwwww."

Horrified that we had inadvertantly taught him that his privates were "ewww," I tried to reprogram him. Every time he did it, I wold counter with "No, not ewwwww. It's good. It's clean. Mmm, good." The very first time I succeeded in getting him to respond to that, I realized I'd made a worse mistake. There he was, pulling on his member, saying "mmm, good" over and over.

I had already been worrying about what everyone at daycare was going to think of him pointing down at his thing and saying "ewww." Well, what exactly are they going to think that we are doing with our kid when he shows up next time touching himself and saying "Mmm good" ???

Puppy Breath

I don't know what, exactly, this "baby smell" is that connoisseurs and fanatics wax eloquently about. I see them burrowing their noses through the hair of infants, inhaling deeply with a look of contentment and wonder.

For a very long time after my baby's birth all I could smell on him was... well... birth. It smelled like flesh. It smelled raw. For a long time afterward, I smelled like that too and I did not like it. I do not mean to say that my baby's smell repulsed me. Only, that he smelled to me like what he was. A person newly made of flesh and blood.

A friend of mine suggested that the "baby smell" people rave about is really the perfume of the powders and shampoos we use on them.

Now the baby is almost two and, oddly, he has indeed developed a smell that I have become very attached to, that I even long for sometimes. He has snot breath. I hate snot, it's completely gross, yet his sour little breath of milk and mucous has me totally enthralled. I can only compare it to the guilty pleasure of enjoying the peepee smell of a puppy's breath in your face.

Sometimes I think

Sometimes I think this blog is too tame. It seems like, no matter what, you can't help but imagine the person reading your words and fear their judgement or criticism. Does part of me always imagine transcripts of my blog being proffered into evidence during some hypothetical custody hearing with DHS? Surely DHS has better things to do than worry about whether or not I'm too lazy to put moisturizer on my baby's face rash every time he needs it. I mean, sometimes I just don't want to have to get up off the couch.