Rub a Dub Doodie

Nathaniel’s cord took 3 weeks to fall off and so, by that time, I was really eager to give him his first full bath. However, in my delirious and sleep deprived state, I decided that there was no way I could learn how to use his new tub right then - I mean, How do you fill it? How do you empty it? These things seemed insurmountable to me and so I decided I would just put him in the tub with me while I took a bath.

"What’s the worse that could happen?" I asked my self. "He’ll pee on me? Big deal!"

What I failed to consider was the poop factor. Specifically, what exactly happens to loose poop when it comes in contact with warm water.

The first thing amiss that I noticed was a small, yellow speck floating by that I thought must be a fuzzy off of the yellow washcloth I was using. Within moments, however, the tub was filled with what looked like little crumbs of old, scrambled eggs. Nathaniel was pooping and it was quickly dissolving into the bath water. With rising horror, I looked down at him and imagined the scene that was undoubtedly taking place underwater as he continued to empty his bowels into my naked lap. Not wishing to embarrass the little guy, I very nonchalantly stood up from what had become, essentially, a giant toilet bowl and tossed the baby onto a towel I had waiting on the bathroom floor.

Urgently, I turned on the showerhead only to discover that there was no hot water left. I washed off as best I could in the cool water and then felt a sudden pang of guilt as I remembered the child I’d left lying on the floor wet and in the process of pooping.

I need not have worried.

Throwing open the shower curtain I discovered that the dog had come in and was busily taking care of cleaning the baby’s poopy butt for me.

Needless to say, I used the baby bathtub next time.